Somewhere amidst preaching positivity during COVID and giving advice as asked, I realized I was really deeply sad. Not in a “be alarmed as you’re reading this” kind of way. But a “feeling sad in my soul” kind of way…a whisper of my teenage depression coming back to haunt me kind of way. I’m lucky to have a best friend who is scarily perceptive and who called me out on not being okay. I’ve become withdrawn and struggling to find motivation and just overall not myself. I’m trying my first virtual therapy appointment later this month and will be happy to answer any questions anyone has about the experience.
My mentor passed away this weekend. I transition into it jarringly because when I found out earlier this summer that she had developed a second, incurable and unrelated form of cancer to the breast cancer she’d been battling and only had two months to live, it shook me to my core. I know she wouldn’t want me to be sad.
If you’re reading this, do you have mentors in your life? If the answer is no, I cannot recommend seeking them more highly or more urgently. Find someone or someones who can help you advocate for yourself and offer wisdom beyond your years on this earth. Kathy came into a tumultuous time in my life when I needed her most, unbeknownst to either of us when we met. We both believed she’d offer some sage advice thanks to her own illustrious marketing career, of which I was highly intimidated. But after one meeting, I quickly realized I had a kindred spirit on my hands.
We spent many hours over tea and coffee (and cookies – she insisted on treats…life is too short, she’d say) talking about pursuing happiness. I was experiencing the worst work burnout of my career; she was going through rounds of chemo that made her exhausted and sick. We shed a lot of tears together…many of them happy, some of them tinged with desperation and fear. She ultimately pushed me to take a new career path and prioritize myself. Writing mere words will never be adequate enough to express my gratitude to her. She was a true friend. A soul friend who takes a little piece of me with her as she goes.
Our time on this earth is…ours. If you are unhappy, take whatever steps or leaps or bounds you need to towards change and what brings you joy. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can live your own life and it is in your control.
Part of my sadness solution is my time with nature. I was hiking today when I learned Kathy had passed on, and shortly after I saw a butterfly that stayed close by. I believe butterflies are signs sent when we need them as reminders that our loved ones are still with us in spirit and are okay. And, are a reminder of the beauty in this sometimes terrible world.
Kathy taught me as we face our own mortality, we won’t remember all of the hours we spent being stressed over something ultimately meaningless at work, but we will cherish the memories with people we love and the moments that bring us bliss. And she touched many people with love and kindness, so I know she will continue to live on through the memories she made with others. I wish I had more time with her. I will continue to pursue happiness and embrace my mistakes and live passionately and think of her. I am heartbroken but glad her pain is over. Rest peacefully, my dear friend.
BMore Bold 